I have an AmazonBasics generic Moleskine with page after page of list after list of possible projects. I had all these great ideas for summary posts on The Stop Button. Only problem was I wasn’t done with any of the topics I wanted to summarize. I haven’t seen Damsels in Distress yet, so no Whit Stillman. Instead this summer I worked on the first of three Godzilla posts. I haven’t worked on the second two at all. The first one drained me of any enthusiasm for it. I knew, as I was writing it, the process was going to be a creative suck. I spent some of this month working on a Halloween one. Actually, I started it before Halloween H40 came out–because H40 was coming out and wouldn’t it be great if it was good.
Shame it sucked. Really messed with my “every twenty years there’s a good Halloween movie.” Instead it’s “the Halloween sequels on the twenty year interval are better than the other sequels.” I’ve got it ready to edit and I really don’t want to do that edit. I don’t care. Some of the creative malaise might just be I don’t have anything to be creative about. I worked on a novel for three years, with a lot of interruption, but the note-taking started three years before I was done with the first complete draft. I’ve got nothing like that project now. I wouldn’t want to read a novel by a forty year old white guy, why would I expect anyone else to read it; hell, why would I take the time to write it.
There are other things dragging me down, of course. Sad things I don’t exactly avoid thinking about but also don’t figure out how to think about. Still, even if they weren’t dragging me, I still doubt I’d have much enthuasism for fiction writing in 2018. I think it all would’ve evaporated after election 2016. Things are so bad not even Aaron Sorkin has managed to mount a relaunch of “The West Wing” to keep everyone dreaming of a different White House. Or David E. Kelley and “Boston Legal.” Whatever happens in the next six years, it’s unlikely there’s going to be any good mainstream media about it. Aspirational isn’t really a thing in 2018. Just look at the new Apple pricing. You raise the entry level outside feasible and then there’s nothing to aspire to purchase.
PS4 is on sale though. Great prices. Plus you get Spider-Man. Love Spider-Man.
I’m trying to figure out a project for next year. I knew most of this year would be marathon training or training for marathon training and I understood, going in, what kind of time commitment was required. Without the marathon training, without the palpable dread, without the runderwear, I have the opportunity to do something. The MacBook Air isn’t fast enough for PS4 YouTube videos. I’m creatively stalled. PS4 YouTube videos would just be grinding the engine. Or however that technical metaphor but more simile would work.
But I’m going to try to do Micro.blog more. Probably. I may force myself a writing word count next year. Something attainable with lots of caveats to make it easy.