Soon Maybe

Posted on Mar 17, 2021

I’m to an annoyed level of tired I’ve reached in a while. Maybe for most of the lockdown. Apparently less than six hours and I can’t hack it at sixteen hours and counting.

It also wasn’t a great day. I guess it’ll be another vague autobiographical post because I don’t have the energy for anything else. It was an emotionally exhausting day too—it’s almost like I’m not ready for this level of despondence at the state of the U.S. in 2021. I wasn’t expecting more of people but I wasn’t expecting so little of them either.

I’m trying to mentally prepare for… I don’t even know what. But for a while it seemed like I was mentally preparing—you know, today felt like one of those really long days where multiple terrible things happened, just like the old days. Swell.

I did find solace in a cute illustration of Muppet Baby Kermit; I allowed myself fifteen seconds to dwell on the pure joy of it. I could build on it, a second a day; I’d need to do the math on how long until I got to a minute or whatever–I don’t think I could do a minute of pure joy. Not without some better meditation practices. I meant to get back to meditating but it hasn’t happened yet. Soon maybe.

Everything is soon maybe.