And now for the final test. Is 134 words okay for typing on the phone. I’m convinced I used to write in Writeroom on an IPod touch back in the day but it might be wrong.

The plan is at least one 134 word post for thirty-four days. I don’t think the data sort is going to provide enough fodder. I’m already seeing major progress. Though I just deleted a bunch of stuff. It’s not work sorting. It’s nice to be able to say some stuff isn’t work sorting. I did put the podcast archives away. But they’re also on Amazon so it’s fine. Not thinking we’ll be going back through those ever.

It’s definitely the worst typing and microblogging experience. I wonder if dictation would work better.

Also Ulysses iPhone mostly stinks.

I bought a duplicate finder with a silly name—Cisdem—and have to try to stop the App Store subscription from going through. It’s not cheaper through the company (though sort of) but I’d rather go through them. Plus it’s got a two computer license pack, which is just what I need.

I cleared my entire old Dropbox sync folder, even discovering what the two music tracks were (songs for a video project). Currently I’m cleaning out the book research. Just the duplicates. I’m sure someday I’ll delete the disk images and be done with it but not quite yet.

One of the big things I’ve got to do is make a dedicated place for all the video projects. I’ve got all sorts of video files, FCP files, iMovie files, and Premiere files cluttering.

I always assumed there’d be some use to old writing. Looking through drafts, looking at revisions; now it’s more like I wish I could dump it into a machine learning app and have it kick out different examples. Just for fun.

While the Duplicate Manager app goes through the first batch of files from the backup NAS, I’ve been cleaning my old Dropbox folder. It started as a Dropbox folder, became a Synology Drive folder, so there are… wow, I just found old writing from 2005. I wasn’t expecting anything quite so old. At least not works in progress. I’ve done basic work over the years keeping terminal drafts around and in usable formats (i.e. Word because what else).

I guess I also need a WordPerfect converter. I’ll bet you can just google that.

Cat talk.

Gregory lays on my outstretched legs while we watch the TV in the living room, which is occasionally leg-deadening but doesn’t require much activity from me. He does not like sitting on my lap when I’m in a chair, the bent legs aren’t as good. However, Fozzy loves sitting on my lap when I’m working, though today I realized it’s much more like lap surfing than lap sitting. He’s never entirely stable—which is partially my fault but I do need some mobility—and it’s got to be a far less satisfying nap experience. Also I don’t tend to pick Gregory up and snuggle him, whereas Fozzy gets the occasional pick and snug.

It’s adorable when Fozzy lap sits but it’s also a real pain but it’s also adorable. Because cats.

The impetus for the data sorting project is the new iMac. For quite a while—years—I’ve had imperfect desktop solutions; the year or more I ran a closed MacBook Air, its battery swelling for at least eight months of it, the M1 Mini winging its way to itsworthmore as I type… everything was intended as a stop-gap. But now I’m putting it all together and getting done with it. Taking advantage of little to no commute while it lasts.

Some of my reasoning has—still present tense, I haven’t even started the sorting yet (waiting for that SSD to arrive)—but some it has been because I’m not writing. Writing isn’t a concern right now, despite clacking away on the mechanical keyboard I got to write a book on.

But am not.

When trying to think of a format for the upcoming project (journalling file sorting, it’ll be great), I realized I need a microblogging constraint. I think it’s going to be thirty-four word posts.

Actually, no, thirty-four isn’t going to work. One long sentence, one short sentence, not enough for a post.

I’m typing up the word counter on Ulysses right now to see about how far I should go for three (qualified) paragraphs. It seems like somewhere in the eighty to nine word range. I’m also wondering if my original idea to do 134 was a better one. I’m trying not to do anything too long because it’ll be an obstacle (next constraint is daily posts), but I think 134 might be the right word count.

Three paragraphs and a kicker… works.

I’ve spent the day futzing. I mean, some cleaning (kind of a lot of cleaning), but also some futzing. I had some outstanding Synology tasks I knew I should do and finally got around to them. Eleven hours later I’m still fiddling with HyperBackup. At least I still remember how to use it.

I’m not excited about this digital cleaning project because I think I’ll find anything. I just want to be done with it all. There’s probably a place for most of the things I’m trying to sort. Though what to do with word files. Convert them to Markdown? Is that even a thing. I feel like something might go terribly wrong so obviously keep the original but….

I’m getting ahead of myself. The SSD I got to transfer files to sort doesn’t get here until Wednesday, which means tomorrow I can futz with iTunes duplicates. All hail Dupin.

So I just decided on a new project. Cleaning up old files. And micro blogging about it.

I’m not ready to actually start cleaning up old files—I’ve made moves toward being ready, including ordering an adorable hard drive but it won’t be here for a while. Once it’s here, I can start copying off the big Synology to the new SSD and then go files on the SSD. Because the big Synology is very, very slow.

I’m also going to try using Ulysses more. Possibly even for TV note taking. But actual categories instead of inbox and outbox.

Look at all these ‘I’ statements.

I’m outta here.

I meant to start microblogging for May yesterday but forgot. I’ve switched over to bullet journaling on the iPad instead of physically and also Saturday is my work Friday so when the day’s over, I don’t really want to think. Or consult my bullet journal. So I missed microblogging yesterday, but all of a sudden it seems like a good idea to do a post now.

I had hoped a month away from daily microblogging would make the heart grow fonder, but it did not. Not having to write a microblog post almost immediately stopped being a thought, once I’d stopped the practice. Maybe I was playing too much Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla. Outside actual writing school, I’ve tried the daily writing practice and the daily writing practice has always been bad. Maybe it’d work if writing weren’t the inevitable plus one to my day, the last thing dot I need to ex. My brain hasn’t got the space.

Even now I’m thinking I can check off tomorrow’s microblog to do item because I’m doing this post today. Even now I’ve lost the train on the writing I wanted to do in this post. Some of it is because it’s the not book. The not book continues to loom, I can sit imagining it literally hidden away in the closet—I made curtains so I wouldn’t occasionally see the box of not book stuff out of the corner of my eye–Lovecraftian tentacles reaching out in the seventh dimension to slither into my ears and brain and… do whatever they’d do.

I really wish I could draw. Even if I could do comic strip style. If I could draw—or didn’t loathe the sound of my voice—sky’s the limit (also figuring in I’m a white guy in his early forties, I lived through the prime mediocre white male media creator ascent eras; hell, I even wrote a novel about it).

I ordered a new iMac the other day—by other day I mean I very casually ordered it as soon as humanly possible, refreshing and refreshing until the order would go through and so on. I think I’m convincing myself somehow this new iMac will lead to a renewed creativity, facilitating some new spark, not just being a literal portal to the PS4 and the “kill the Nazi zombies” game I’m playing while listening to John Carpenter’s Lost Themes when I’d otherwise be… well, probably doing laundry.

I’m planning new videos for sure. How could I not with Neural Mix Pro being a thing (it uses machine learning to separate vocal and music elements from audio tracks, something my best friend lied to me about being possible back in 1989 and has plagued my mind since). But I also heard a rumor Final Cut Pro is going subscription, which would make a lot more sense than trying to justify the $200. Or is it $300. For zero return. At least with Vellum (an eBook maker app), I’m 1% on my way to recouping the investment. I made seventeen eBook collections last month, rolling that project into the Stop Button refresh. It’s been way too full a year; I finally got my desk cleaned up from all the projects I’d started and stopped with it. Everything electronic is in a good place. Save the wires. The wires still need work.

I also cat-proofed the area Gregory loves to go play and fuck around with wires and NASes and switches and power cords and whatever else he can chew. I made it cat friendly, with a temperate pet mat and a fluffy shark cave; he avoids it like the plague.

Rhyming unintentional. Too much Valhalla.

I’ve also decided I’m not writing about sitcoms the first time through. It’s way too much work. I took solid notes on the first three or four “Ted Lasso” episodes, only to realize worrying about writing about it would just distract from the experience so I stopped taking notes. I didn’t even try with “Rutherford Falls,” which is good because I can’t not see Ed Helms as a Jason Sudeikis knock-off who doesn’t get it.

I’m concerned I may need to give Sudeikis another chance—I was able to easily dismiss him after Horrible Bosses was horrible—but given I’m finally on track to rewatch Desert of the Tartars some seventeen years after I meant to see it again….

It’ll be a while.

I’ve had the double shot, the weather’s not fogging my glasses when I wear a mask, it’s not cold out all the time—I’m ready for some kind of cocoon emergence (we’ve instituted a daily walk, I’ve started running—no more races ever, well, maybe a triple dash)—but I can’t shake feeling like it’s still just lockdown, it’s still just work from home. I hate going outside too, so it’s clearly getting bad now.

I miss air, it turns out. And smells.

I do not miss driving. Hate driving. But air and smells? They’re all right.

Bled Out Then

Last one of these posts for a month. I’m way too thrilled about it. And not just because we got through Godzilla vs. Kong tonight instead of waiting for the weekend and having that two hours bled out then.

I’d like to think of the micro blogging as a season. As something I can separate and restart, but I’m not sure I think it’s a seasonal thing. Certainly not when I’m writing it at ten o’clock at night or later. If the micro blogging is going to be fresh, regular writing, it needs to be at a fresher, more regular time. I need mental energy.

I’m not sure where I’d be able to fit in mental energy.

Sort of means there’s not a place for micro blogging.

But I’m not giving up on it just yet. I’ll give up on it in August or whatever, two more rotations. Heck, I’ve even got another subscription just grinding away, nothing on it. No idea what I should do with that one; this one I have bad ideas about, that one I’ve got none.

I’ve got stuff to work on for The Stop Button. Being able to do columns now, well, I’ve got all sorts of ideas. Years worth of ideas. Sadly the bullet points in theme are bad but it’s only a temporary theme. Not going to get static about themes anymore.

At least I don’t think.

We’ll see in a month.


Early micro blogging because I’m trying to be productive today. I mistyped “Abe” in that sentence and I’m missing Kobe Abe. That feeling of the hospital in Secret Rendezvous. When I do get back to reading, I’m going to start with Lanark. Not sure when I’m going to have that time.


But trying to be productive. I got through Year of the Dragon, which was nowhere near as good as I thought it was when I last saw it and actually somewhat more unpleasant of a Michael Cimino experience than The Sicilian. I don’t care if there’s a wasted Christopher Lambert picture; but a wasted eighties Mickey Rourke? Though, and I even broke Stop Button editorial policies on it, post-Wrestler, being a Mickey Rourke fan is a lot easier. There’s good stuff to watch. No more asterisks on 134-minute 80s macho man garbage from Oliver Stone.

Like, no wonder Lethal Weapon changed all that shit.

Also fuck Mel Gibson. Ugh.

And I even got the cat fountain cleaned, which is usually a 9 p.m. activity these days. But I don’t feel productive. I don’t know what would make me feel more productive. I may go sweep the garage where we’ve just started the latest attempt at keeping Shaz from getting out while still having access to the cat enclosure.

Such a pain.

Easy Browsing

Okay, I got ahead of myself yesterday because I forgot about posting 2021 posts immediately. I’d fallen behind on it–I was waiting for a second comic (Ginseng Roots #8 is sitting here unread because I want to concentrate)—but got through it all this morning. Three posts.

Some of the problem is—well, problem is a stretch—but Stop Button runs on GMT because I thought it was a good idea back in 2004 or whatever and it’d break too many links to change. So a Stop Button day ends at 6 p.m. (currently, changes with daylights saving). Basically, I never know when to post. Though it doesn’t really matter anymore because the site’s not set up for easy browsing, at least not for new posts. I was supposed to work on that today.


But the schedule idea is now out. Instead, it’ll be 2021 posts as they’re available, otherwise a duet. Same plan as before two or three posts a day, with Fridays being an exception. One thing I also need to start thinking about is posting when my daily commute is going to be a thing instead of work from home and posting on lunch or whatever. Night time is going to make more sense, which means a different way of looking at the day of the week.

I don’t know. I’m a combination of too tired and too hot to think about it.

How They Feel To Write

I think I’m doing a posting schedule in April. I have two days to decide. Three days. Right now—besides the micro blog, which will be on a hiatus, potentially for a month—the only day I don’t post is on Fridays. The goal being to work up enough catalog I’ll inevitably eek out some money from Wordpress ads. When I started the site, I had this whole “long tail” idea. Because I’d been reading about “long tail” and didn’t understand how it could or could not apply to a blog.

But basically the idea was if you fill up the tail enough—classic movies and so on—you’d eventually get the hits. And it happens. Every time something relatively rare is on TCM, I’ll get a few hits. Not enough to blip the WordAds revenue, but a few hits. Some of the time these posts are so old they aren’t a good representation of how the blog is working at the time, whether it was the 250 word limit phase, or what’s followed, the longer post phase, which has a predictable outline. Basically I had to teach myself to summarize in a way I didn’t hate and then just added that summary onto the 250 word rant.

Sort of. Since I don’t read Stop Button posts again—typo corrections happen when someone tells me about the typo; I recently found an obvious one in a very early post (like 2005 era)–I’m generally guessing at how they read based on how they feel to write.

And my memory’s not good. In addition to forgetting I’d written about Benson Murder Case, I can’t remember if I got my one cousin a present for his high school graduate so now he’s getting a present when his younger brother graduates, but only because I can’t remember. Also I’m going to do a tacky sweater prank I think so… got to share that.

But I’m sort of planning on doing at least a category schedule. Stop Button gets the most reads Sundays, then Saturdays, then Monday through Friday. I already don’t post on Fridays, so I’m going to start doing comic posts on certain days. Possibly weekends, actually, which would be a problem given Friday nights are current TV. That arrangement may have to change. Or not. Maybe do a new comic post on Sunday, then some other time during the week too.

Sundays and Wednesdays.

Of course, I’ve been meaning to read more comics since 2011 so….

We shall see.

May Try

This post is my attempt to get my micro blogging done before 11:59 pm every night. I need to be going to bed earlier.

Unfortunately it also means I have no topic in mind. I had a three-day work week and after writing about The Green Mile–1998/1999 were a couple really good years—there’s nothing particularly boiling over. I’m kind of unsure about not really addressing the required projected privilege for Mile but just going all in on it being a Christian movie, actually, did the work. Does the work.

I guess *Mile*’s my favorite Christian movie since It’s a Wonderful Life. I’m not sure what other competitors there are. I haven’t seen Frailty since the theater.

But I’ve got the beginnings of a media scheduling system going forward, keeping the “Michael Hayes” on the work from home mornings, upping the comics on the days off (someone’s running into their PTO, which is a problem even not in lockdown), going big with the movie watches and rewatches instead of trying to avoid them. But doing my duet posts I’ve still got a lot close off and not necessarily with what I’d call big movie watches or rewatches.

I may try to do a new and old duet thing going forward (so watch and rewatch).

May try to do.

Not sure yet.

Mechanized Kitty Pooper Scooping

I suppose I ought to get this post done. I’m thinking through a Green Mile post, which still kicks down all the doors (is that a phrase). But then I also realized I haven’t gotten my posts done for “Resident Alien” and “Falcon/Winter Soldier” either. For some reason I thought starting a three hour movie at 7:30 was going to have me done at ten instead of eleven.

And then it’s almost midnight and I haven’t done the kitty litter yet either. Or updated the bullet journal. Time just slips away whether you let it or not.

So the plan, at nine to midnight, is to get the three posts up, get the cat litter done, and get to bed relatively soon so I can because tomorrow is a work day and that alarm clock is inevitable.

Actually, we use Alexa for the audial alarm, which is kind of worse. It’s so annoying.

Annoying is good for an alarm clock. Even on a Saturday morning. I just wish we were to the future where there were automated litter boxes. Reliable, affordable automated litter boxes. Who knows. We may never get that far. Snuffed out by our inherent failings, unable to get to mechanized kitty pooper scooping.


Big sigh.

Three word sentences until I hit my word count?

Probably not. Then again….

All because I wanted to watch a Paul Lukas movie

11:36 and I thought I’d be writing a post about how I’m bummed I don’t get to write about the last episode of “Superstore” because I never got around to writing through the series. I had to rewatch. A friend recommended it, I put off the recommendation ages, started watching the show, knew I had to let the wife know about it versus going alone (a la “IT Crowd,” hashtag fuck Graham L), was going to work out how to write about sitcoms with it at my lunch… didn’t do it. I don’t know if I can blame it on the lockdown.


But instead, I’m writing about how I just discovered I’d rewatched Benson Murder Case without knowing it and did a new post. I guess it wasn’t on Movielens when I first watched it in 2009—makes sense, actually—and I didn’t check the site before I added it to a watchlist and got through it. It was one of my seventy-five minute and under morning watches. Oops. And I rated it down a star.

I’d really rather I’d rated it the same. I’d really rather I found out my star ratings from 2009 where the same instead of being down a star. I do not have any interest in reevaluating things watched to that point. And where would that point even be—not 2009.

What a weird move. All because I wanted to watch a Paul Lukas movie.

One under seventy minutes.

I just had a reasonably lengthy conversation about star ratings. A full one is a significant dip, especially since the sentiment is identical. Something to dwell on.

Or not.

But maybe.

Very terse

It’s the wife’s spring break so we’ve got more time to watch movie movies (so of course we wasted a night on Justice League), but we’ve done a couple recent ones—Knives Out and Three Billboards. During an ice cream run, I was texting with a friend about Billboards and happy to hear all my observations of its obvious problems were on point.

I don’t read much if any film criticism right now. I was going to have to read a bunch for the book. Very glad I didn’t have to do it. I’m not interested. Nothing sounds worse than doing a historiography of film criticism. Well, nothing I might potentially be doing.

Speaking of doing, I launched a very terse Patreon today. I even walked it back from what I was planning at the start—reminds me I need to add a link on the site—but I launched it. If it ends up being as pointless as other such efforts, at least I won’t have sunk too much effort into it.

I’m actually doing pretty progress wise—my bullet journal’s not done for the day at 11:30 but it’s close and I’ve got a half hour. I will not have a good night’s sleep before going back to work tomorrow—though, work from home—going back to work is going to a different web site.

I’ve got to get mediating and napping going again. Not simultaneously either.

I’m leaning further away

I’m trying to figure out Stop Button stuff, which is a change. Usually I’m trying to revise it—the blog not the content—but now I’m trying to think of new things to do. While possibly even revisiting old content; I’m just not there yet. Thinking about it at length long enough to do some tests. Maybe next week; I’ve got another long weekend, though only a three-day not a four. I didn’t plan it around Godzilla vs. Kong, which I might’ve done otherwise. Though I have no expectations.

I did not get a bitching Godzilla figurine thingy from Mondo earlier today even though it’s the just right Godzilla (1989). It’s eighteen inches tall, which isn’t stupidly big enough for the price. Actually, eighteen inches would be good. But no. I’ll save up for a Godzilla 1984 vs. Super-X diorama with two buildings and maybe even the drunk in one of the windows.

If I wait long enough, I can just get it in AR.

I feel like if AR becomes a thing, there’s going to be a lot of potential for AR/VR-only knickknacks.

Hopefully in a fungible way and not the alternative.

But I’m thinking about Patreon again. But like as a writer/creator thing, not specifically Stop Button. With, like, cat wallpapers. I’m thinking about leaning into cat wallpapers. I find the editing soothing.

Though I’m also thinking about doing some new video essays, possibly even doing them with enough context. Though I hate that idea. Absolutely hate it. Never mind. Not only am I not doing that, I’m leaning further away from it now.


Cat wallpapers. They may be a thing.

A definite x

Earlier start time for this post than usual, but more exhausted. I’m trying to beat one of the demon things in “Assassin’s Creed Valhalla” but I’m also about to pass out. I’ve hit the “snacking to stay conscious” phase in the nightly fight against sleep.

Today was not a particularly productive day. Actually, outside taking in some plastic bags for recycling—hopefully, we watched “John Oliver” tonight—I didn’t really do much. Watched Knives Out. Played video game. Shoveled. A fine enough day off, even if I’m so tired I can barely string sentences together. String a sentence together. I can string sentences together, but I can’t string a sentence together.

Certainly not one long enough to get this post over with, which is a great sentiment for writing. Reluctant required writing. I didn’t even remember to put the micro blog on the bullet journal.

Actually, I didn’t for any of the days next week either. Maybe I had the thought I should give it up or maybe I just didn’t have it in mind. Seriously, this post is taking forever. Ulysses has a progress indicator and it’s just creeping so slowly along, like a snake moving round to bite itself. Like sands in the hourglass, as our the snakes of our lives.

And whatnot.

But now we’re there; now the snake has become a dot and the daily micro blog commitment has been met. No enthusiasm in sight, but a definite x in the bullet journal.

Albeit with some conditions

I’m doing a little better with tonight’s post. Well, I was doing a little better when I was starting this post a half hour ago. I’m doing less better now it’s eleven o’clock and and not even a quarter done with the post.

I got my first shot today and was really impressed at the efficiency of it all. Amazing what “We” can do when we put our minds to it. But my arm is getting sore and I’m trying to play some “Assassin’s Creed Valhalla” before I pass out so it’s not the night to long write a micro blog post until I figure what I’m trying to do with it. I made a video today. Took an hour because Final Cut Pro (Trial); I’m going to work on another one over the next few days. I did my Monday project on Sunday, which means I’ve got very little to do tomorrow. Other than the regular stuff. Maybe deal with book donations.

I’ve got a four day weekend (not shot related) and very little planned for it. Possibly a Christopher Lambert movie. Possibly two. Unlikely two. I guess he’s in Ghost Rider 2. I’m working on a whole new movie watchlist system, giving in to the letterboxd, albeit with some conditions. It was getting unmanageable in TaskPaper. I’m not ready to give up on Hog Bay apps; I had to give up on WriteRoom a few years ago and it’s what finally delivered distraction-free plaintext so sticking to TaskPaper is the least I can do.

Because, really, OmniFocus isn’t any better than a bullet journal.


One of my great ideas to get myself more invested in serious blogging was “Sum Up” posts on The Stop Button. Basically long annotated filmographies, which would undoubtedly drive up readership of related posts. I got a lot of hits on some of the “Sum Up” posts. I never saw anyone click through to the related posts; or, if they did, I didn’t see it based on my monitoring of the stats. I didn’t have Google Analytics for most of that time and stats suck. Now I do have Google Analytics and I a) don’t want to care about stats anymore and b) don’t want to spend the time learning how to do Google Analytics. I prefer it the olden simple way. I’d prefer it more if the stats just didn’t suck.

But the “Sum Up” posts were an attempt. And a failed one.

I haven’t found anything I need to formulate to work. What works is writing the blog. Maybe not for readership exactly, but for my writing of the blog. I’ve lost my target audience. Maybe the “have” there is doing too much. I lost my target audience. “Lost” is doing a lot of work. My target audience is gone. I am without my previous target audience. But I’ve been without them for years at this point. Many years.

It sucks.

Just Another Item

Not a great sign when I realize I forgot to post yesterday and my first impulse is just to stop with the micro blogging. There’s a definite free write feeling to it—remember free write days? We didn’t do them in MFA, but in undergrad there were the occasional days when you could just tell the instructor did not want to instruct and it’d be a free write. I don’t think it happened often. Though it did happen a few times. The most helpful time was when we rewrote the short story we were working on from memory. It’s a great generative device, leaving out the things you forget; I remember I worked from that draft. Sure, I think the story is crap now but it was undergrad and what can you do.

For years after that experience I tried to duplicate it but never did. Mostly for lack of trying. Having forty-five minutes to work on something where I’m only supposed to be working on that thing and that thing is writing… it’s been a while. And those conditions get harder to recreate the older I get. I mean, now I can’t even reliably set aside a time to work on a micro blog post.

I think I’m taking next month off. We’ll see. This exercise hasn’t amounted to anything yet and—while I didn’t have any goals in mind—some sense of progress or momentum would help. I haven’t had either of those reactions to it, just another item to check off the bullet journal list.

Almost being there only not

I really need to do these posts when I see them on my to do list in the bullet journal and not just assume I’ll get around to them at some point later. They are not meant to be daily “summing up” posts, which I sort of tried before but it didn’t survive January 20, 2017. Now I’m just trying to stay conscious for them.

I’ve had a decent week of writing. Not great, not bad. I missed getting one post written—another “Michael Hayes,” but this way, one behind, I get to bask in the excellence of the turnaround episode before it turns out to be an outlier. Or not. I can’t remember. I think I recorded most of the show and never got around to watching it when it didn’t get a second season. Or I needed the SVHS tapes for something else and thought I’d grab it in summer reruns. I don’t know why I thought summer reruns were such a thing. Every time I relied on them, I got screwed. But the “Michael Hayes” SVHS screw-up was my own as I recall.

I still have a box of the tapes around and a player I haven’t turned on in over a decade. Though I’m not sure how many nineties series I could get through. It seems the earlier they start in the nineties, the worse they age, but they later they start… the more problems they have with the technology almost being there only not. It’s incredible how television is so profoundly unremarkable.

It’s past the middle of the month and I haven’t decided about micro blogging in April. Maybe I’ll do a month on, a month off. Actually, I should’ve done a week on, a week off.

Soon Maybe

I’m to an annoyed level of tired I’ve reached in a while. Maybe for most of the lockdown. Apparently less than six hours and I can’t hack it at sixteen hours and counting.

It also wasn’t a great day. I guess it’ll be another vague autobiographical post because I don’t have the energy for anything else. It was an emotionally exhausting day too—it’s almost like I’m not ready for this level of despondence at the state of the U.S. in 2021. I wasn’t expecting more of people but I wasn’t expecting so little of them either.

I’m trying to mentally prepare for… I don’t even know what. But for a while it seemed like I was mentally preparing—you know, today felt like one of those really long days where multiple terrible things happened, just like the old days. Swell.

I did find solace in a cute illustration of Muppet Baby Kermit; I allowed myself fifteen seconds to dwell on the pure joy of it. I could build on it, a second a day; I’d need to do the math on how long until I got to a minute or whatever–I don’t think I could do a minute of pure joy. Not without some better meditation practices. I meant to get back to meditating but it hasn’t happened yet. Soon maybe.

Everything is soon maybe.

Despite all the jostling

The soft reboot turned out to be a little softer than planned. But it’s working out. The day was more full than usual. Since work-from-home, there’s not a lot of activity to my day. Physically. It’s sitting in front of a computer and typing. The skill of the twenty-first century; sitting and typing for work is a “getting my MFA”-era reference. It was the goal. So sitting and typing all day. Be nice if there was a new iMac, right?

I’m not being so personal as a goal for today’ s post; I haven’t got any plans for making the micro blog more journal-y. It’s just been a bit of a day and I’m finally feeling grounded. Before I do dishes. But I’m settled. Despite all the jostling throughout the day, I can achieve motionlessness. Everything feels still in a very soothing way. The stupid Apple Watch just buzzed me to ruin it with the haptic feedback ASMR app experience. I’m being hyperbolic; some of those apps are fine or even good, I just don’t care about the finger buzz enough. Not the slime ones I’ve tried though. They had no haptic feedback. Or whatever it’s called now.

But minus email notifications. There’s a stillness. It feels like winter, even though winter is ending (at least calendar-wise).

Okay, that’s enough.